Category Archives: theraputic
i feel myself changing, shifting into someone who is less positive, but far more realistic. not sure how long it will last, or where it is headed, but i have noticed it all the same. i wouldn’t go so far as to call me a realist, b/c that is almost laughable… but i do think it helps to handle things instead of pretend things are honky-dory. i also think that insisting that everyone be positive would make for a very very dull and complacent.
ugh… i don’t know what the problem is but i am so grumpy and tense. i notice my jaw is clinched and my head is hurting, even when i’m not angry. i don’t know if lack of sleep is starting to affect me, or if i am THAT hormonal. i get the feeling that everyone thinks i am choosing to be grumpy, but i’m not. i mean, i could smile and fake it, but why should i wear a mask?!? i just wanna be true to myself and let it out when i need to.
i am taking a break from my fb b/c it seems to be making it worse, and i can’t help but feel like i’m not expressing myself well, and i am too tired and irritable to explain myself at this point.
last night i slept from 8 pm to 3 am. 7 hours sleep wasn’t too shabby, but i was not feeling good.
i am happy with the way my life is going, except for the not sleeping, the puking and the tense muscles. why can’t i chill and enjoy this time in my life?!?
why do i feel like beating the crap out of something?!? why do i feel like this?!? ugh…
i know, you don’t have the answers, and neither do i for now. i just needed to get stuff off my chest and hopefully let it go. i am tired of feeling like a crazy person!
i am exhausted today and sick. last night’s headache turned into this morning’s puke-fest, only to be interrupted by hubby’s own headache. he woke me up at least four times through out the night. two cups of coffee in and i’m still really not feeling this day. sure, i have plenty to be thankful for, and my baby’s healthy, but i’m just not feeling it.
i’m grumpy and i kind of just feel like crying. the hormones are supposed to be evening out, but the puking and crying suggest other wise. mean while my husband is starting to look at me like i’m a child throwing a temper tantrum. part of me understands, but part of me wants to tell him off. sigh…
the girls are watching penguins of madagascar on repeat and i am losing it. i don’t want to hear those voices ever ever again, in my life, or possibly the next life.
to top it ALL off we’re in a tropical storm warning for the next few days, so we will be inside, even though it hasn’t starting raining YET. it’s just grey and the pressure is darn near intolerable. the whole house has a headache and i’m just about to the point of rain dancing in the yard to get this over with.
the thought of crying and dancing as the rain falls on me sounds peaceful and so so nice to me. this has to mean i have finally lost every piece of my sanity and my pride. i could lay down in the mud right now and sleep.
i hear it’s good for healing.
my sister in law helping throughout my pregnancy and also my labor. she likes to practice and plan and know what’s up. i’m not always a good planner, but i understand the need and i think it will help us have a smoother time in the hospital. we decided to actually use some means of natural relief instead of only relying on the meds, though i am still using the meds as well as the epidural. i like yoga and dancing, so we chose those. yoga for pain relief and dance too. i did not know but belly dancing is not only very sensual but it is also a dance about women’s power to create life. 🙂 many of the elements help relief back pain and loosen your body for birth. the last two videos are about this practice. the first video is a prenatal yoga exercise video for me(or you) to do to stretch and stay loose during pregnancy, as well a fit. 🙂
it’s no secret that dancers are usually incredibly fit. the more you dance, more fit you become. when i was dancing i had rock hard abs and legs and buns of steel.
after two kids and a few failed relationships, i no longer have this physique. i have no expectations of ever having again. i do however want to feel sexy in my own skin, and dance makes me feel sexy. it energizes me and gives me stamina, while bringing the motions of love and sensuality. it is a great way to get your groove back. 🙂
so i downloaded a new workout video. it looks like fun so i was excited to give it a try, but i could not keep up. my butt muscles were burning and i was panting rather loudly. i opted for a circuit training exercise which was really difficult, but not nearly as difficult as zumba.
some of you may be wondering “what the heck is zumba?” others are saying, “uh, oh yeah, **** was talking about that.” it’s dance-cerise,or dance fitness.
it isn’t the only kind of dance fitness video on the market either. you can find ballet, jazzercise, tap, tai chi, hip hop, salsa, belly dance,zumba and even reggaeton dance fitness dvds and downloads. i would include yoga in this as well, b/c it is a dance of sorts.
i posted videos of these dances on yesterdays page with exception of a reggaeton, zumba and tai chi, but there are plenty on youtube for free for the public.
this one is short and fun. try it once or twice if you want. 🙂
not sure how i have missed this for so very long, but it’s national dance week!! yay!!! it ends on international dance day, which is this sunday the 29th.
i love dance. i love watching dance and i love dancing.
i started dancing before i can remember, and when i was potty trained, my granny enrolled me in dance classes. i went into a class with girlsa older than me, and i stayed in their class for the rest of my life. i took ballet and tap for a while, then started tumbling. by the time i graduated high school i was taking five to six hours of dance per week. i had done countless solos including clara in my town’s version of the nutcracker. i spent those afternoons with the other girls, learning to count music and dance. i started taking point when i was 12. everyone else waited until they were 13….i think. i’m not certain on the ages, only that i started at a younger age. i did the nutcracker every winter, a recital every spring, and dance camps every summer. eventually i started doing musicals, and i loved dancing in them too. one year at drama camp i was awarded the “best dancer award” for my training in that year’s “42nd street”.
i stopped taking lessons after my senior year, but my dance instructor asked me to come home and be the rat king for the nutcracker.
(not our production, but that is what the rat king is)
after having two kids i became too tired and out of shape to be the rat king. the kids no longer wanted to drag my dead carcass across the floor, or maybe they needed a new king… but i handed over my crown and sword to a younger rat… for now. those shoes have permanently damaged my feet. i have bunions on both my feet and arthritis (self diagnosed) in my ankles.
every year the other adults tell me that i must come back. i have missed the last two years, opting to watch my daughters parts instead.
that will all be changing soon enough. 🙂
i am moving the girls to a dance troop in our own town, and they have classes for adults too. part of me feels foolish for being a grown up in ballet class, but it is the best exercise for me. i love it. 😀
they also offer belly dancing classes which i will definitely take. it is something i have wanted to do for a very very long time.
not too long ago i saw a photo online that talked about girls who read. it was talking about how they have a doorway into infinite worlds, or some jazz like that. i felt partially wounded, because i don’t consider my self a bookhound or someone who reads alot. i like books alot, but i don’t read as much as i use to. back before boys and clothes and cars, i loved books. i would read one whole book in a night. they weren’t big books, but they were my favorite. back then i was really into rl stine and vc andrews. i would beg my granny to buy one for me everyday and she would almost always say yes.
the first one i read was broken hearts by rl stine. it was about a girl in high school who has a secret admirer who was insane and obsessed with her (from what i remember). he would put bloody valentines on her locker and killed people. it was definitely a murder mystery, and i was hooked.
my other favorites that i remember were the cheerleaders saga, one called twisted about two sisters who switched bodies, and another about a girl with a secret door in her room. i loved vc andrews’ runaways and wallflowers. anything about a troubled girl with a some what creepy storyline intrigued me.
as the years went by i became less intrigued with books and more intrigues with real life mysteries. namely the biggest mystery of all… the males of our species. when i was old enough to drive i cut and ran, and i barely ever looked back. it wasn’t until i was older and i moved to a new town, where i knew no one, that i began being interested in the world of books again.
i had nothing to do and no where to go, and where did i end up??!?!?
at the book store, surrounded by the smell of coffee. i always feel like a kid in a toy store b/c there are so many that i want to buy, but i know i could never read them all.
throughout my life i have had a pattern of forgetting about books, when things are good and exciting. i go and have great time, but when i find myself alone and i want to do something just for me, i almost always chose to read.
there are those who say life is about creating yourself and not learning about yourself, but i have learned alot about myself. i have learned that i like books, and books will always be there for me no matter what. i can always sit down and open a book and transport myself into a another place and time.
about four years ago i met my husband. he is also a lover of books, maybe even more than me. no, definitely more than me. 🙂 we bonded over christopher moore’s lust lizard of melancholy cove. a book i had borrowed from my best friend. i stopped reading for a while. i think i almost felt intimidated b/c he would joke about my not reading fast enough and said i didn’t like the same books as him. none of which were true, and i have since called him out. everyone reads at their own pace and i don’t have to like the same books he likes. we’re two separate people. 🙂
but oddly enough, i still find myself trying to get his attention through reading. after all…. reading IS sexy. i don’t see anything wrong with reading a bit more to keep an interest in our conversations and spark new stuff between us. actually, i’d say that is pretty healthy. 😀 and at the same time it is something i am doing for me too. i miss having things for myself, so i think it is great “thing” to have. as far as things go. 🙂 because everyone knows.
yesterday’s post was fun. i was inspired by another website that is on fb.
i spend so much time there. i really liked it for a long time. it was fun to see my friends and their families grow up before my eyes. i enjoyed cheering on their various accomplishments and offering support when something happened to one of them. it was a kind of window into their world if you will.
my profile was my favorite place to be. is started playing games and liking pages that posted funny things. i started sharing all the time. i mean, i share more than most of my friends. i share hourly, and sometimes more if i feel so inclined. i have caught flack from a few friends and been asked a few really retarded questions like “do you eat and sleep like a normal person?”
what IS normal anyway?!?
sometimes i eat in front of my computer, but most days i eat standing up next to the kitchen table and or IN the kitchen b/c i am getting someone else something to drink or a utensil or possibly seconds before i am even done with my first plate. you see, i my house i have to be many many things.
online i have to be no one but me. i like that.
granted, i want to be mostly positive, b/c i feel like a nasty attitude is just no fun to be around, i really do try to be me. i try to be true to myself and what i believe is right. i share things most people wouldn’t. i post off color jokes. i post things that interest me and articles i think have good points or stories. i share music whenever i am listening to it, and especially when i think another friend would like it. in fact most of the things that i post i consider to be common ground for me and few friends, so i post and i share. it makes me happy to do it, and i have heard that it makes some of my friends happy too. 🙂 as with most things, you can’t make everyone happy all the time though.
just like all things mainstream, it is always up for critique and speculation. the recent online studies have shown a light on all kinds of fb usage with links to all sorts of social or mental problems.
i could get into which ones and what kinds and who and why it makes me upset, but why get into it? why upset myself again over something silly that i can’t change? i can’t change the fact that people will always assume things and analyze things death, but i can change how i react to it. i can try to forgive them and remember that i could be guilty of the same or worse.
please don’t think i’m preaching, because i’m not. this is my me space remember? it’s all about me here. which means sometimes i will remind myself to do things, such as be more forgiving and tolerant.
so i have decided to start sharing more things in THIS space. a me space. a space that i can be as narcissistic as possible b/c i don’t get to be all the time. most of the time i have to be a mommy and a wife. i have to be a maid, a chef and occasionally the jester and/or minstrel. don’t get me wrong, i lvoe my job, and i like knowing i’m here for so much of their lives, but everyone needs a judgement free zone. freedom is essential to growth, i think. 😉